That pretty much sums up this past week.
And now, I realize why he was doing that. He's showing me I'm supposed to write this through all the mess. If I only wrote on "good days", I would never get anything done. And, I would never learn anything.
If we never view ourselves as enough, and if we let that paralyze us, we will never fulfill everything God has for us.
But, I'm getting ahead of myself.
We all have moments we don't feel like we're enough. That's life. It may sound harsh, but let me tell you how I've fallen short so you don't feel alone.I failed a quiz today. I'm planning on taking a gap year and I have no idea what I'm going to do during it. I don't know when or where I'm going to grad school. I don't have straight A's. I have friendships and relationships that have crashed and burned. I have regrets, and I have pain. Life has tried to beat me down, and there are times I let it.
I fluctuate with God daily, sometimes so close to him I feel I can hear his breath within me, and other times so far away I don't even know how to initiate finding him again.
I sin daily, and I'm fallen. I wasn't enough for certain people to want to stay in my life, and I've pushed others away.
I'm lost, and sinking quickly in this description of all my shortcomings.
I am not enough.
But wait, aren't we taught that we are enough? Isn't it actually, "I am enough", just like all those t-shirts and devotionals say?
I'm here to tell you, you aren't enough.
The Bible says in Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." We fall short. As depressing as that is, there is hope found in more verses than I can put into one blog post about God being enough.
And with him, all things are possible. Here are just a couple:
And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.
(Acts 4:12)
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From everlasting to everlasting you are God.
(Psalm 90:2)
Who am I to wonder, am I enough? And who am I to think I'm enough apart from God, the author and perfecter of our faith? He is the one who knows the plans he has for me, he spoke and the world came into being, he is the Word and the great I Am. And, he is beyond comprehension.
And me? I am but a speck of dust on the timeline of eternity.
So, I think we are all aware we are not enough, and God is more than enough. But, a question remains that I still struggle to answer: How am I enough for this incredible, all-powerful, eternal God? I am the farthest from worthy.
This, my friends, is where grace and mercy intercede on our behalf. They are embodied in Christ Jesus' sacrifice on the cross.
The unmerited favor of grace would not be grace by definition if we deserved it. We don't deserve it, and that's what makes this gift so incredible.
Ok so, if we know we are not enough, and God is more than enough, and we are enough for him through the grace of Jesus, I just have one last question for you all.
Why do we turn around and say what God gives us isn't enough? Think about that for a second. Do you ever get angry with God for not giving you what you think you deserve? I know I do. Why did God give people I love diseases, and no cure? Why do loved ones have to leave us? Why was I not athletically good enough? Why didn't I get that job, and why am I incapable of reaching certain goals? Why won't God take it all away?
But, why did God give me life, and not others? Why am I currently breathing, at an incredible school, and about to graduate? What right did I have to have a beautiful, whole, loving family? Why am I so incredibly blessed, and why do I not realize and be thankful for it?
I don't know if you've ever been there, standing between two completely opposite perspectives, and wondering why God gives you the good and the bad. Why does he give us anything at all?
And honestly, why is that not enough for us, as unworthy as we are?
Enough is enough.
Your enough is enough.
That's all.
And his enough is enough for us.
DTI
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