Enough is Enough (Waiting, Part 2)

I started this post about 10 different times, and never felt it was right. I couldn't get the words I wanted to say, I didn't feel like God was speaking to me, and I was frustrated.

That pretty much sums up this past week.

And now, I realize why he was doing that. He's showing me I'm supposed to write this through all the mess. If I only wrote on "good days", I would never get anything done. And, I would never learn anything.

If we never view ourselves as enough, and if we let that paralyze us, we will never fulfill everything God has for us.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

We all have moments we don't feel like we're enough. That's life. It may sound harsh, but let me tell you how I've fallen short so you don't feel alone.

I failed a quiz today. I'm planning on taking a gap year and I have no idea what I'm going to do during it. I don't know when or where I'm going to grad school. I don't have straight A's. I have friendships and relationships that have crashed and burned. I have regrets, and I have pain. Life has tried to beat me down, and there are times I let it.

I fluctuate with God daily, sometimes so close to him I feel I can hear his breath within me, and other times so far away I don't even know how to initiate finding him again.

I sin daily, and I'm fallen. I wasn't enough for certain people to want to stay in my life, and I've pushed others away.

I'm lost, and sinking quickly in this description of all my shortcomings.

I am not enough.

But wait, aren't we taught that we are enough? Isn't it actually, "I am enough", just like all those t-shirts and devotionals say?

I'm here to tell you, you aren't enough.

The Bible says in Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." We fall short. As depressing as that is, there is hope found in more verses than I can put into one blog post about God being enough.

And with him, all things are possible. Here are just a couple:

And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.

(Acts 4:12)

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From everlasting to everlasting you are God.

(Psalm 90:2)

Who am I to wonder, am I enough? And who am I to think I'm enough apart from God, the author and perfecter of our faith? He is the one who knows the plans he has for me, he spoke and the world came into being, he is the Word and the great I Am. And, he is beyond comprehension.

And me? I am but a speck of dust on the timeline of eternity.

So, I think we are all aware we are not enough, and God is more than enough. But, a question remains that I still struggle to answer: How am I enough for this incredible, all-powerful, eternal God? I am the farthest from worthy.

This, my friends, is where grace and mercy intercede on our behalf. They are embodied in Christ Jesus' sacrifice on the cross.

The unmerited favor of grace would not be grace by definition if we deserved it. We don't deserve it, and that's what makes this gift so incredible.

Ok so, if we know we are not enough, and God is more than enough, and we are enough for him through the grace of Jesus, I just have one last question for you all.

Why do we turn around and say what God gives us isn't enough? Think about that for a second. Do you ever get angry with God for not giving you what you think you deserve? I know I do. Why did God give people I love diseases, and no cure? Why do loved ones have to leave us? Why was I not athletically good enough? Why didn't I get that job, and why am I incapable of reaching certain goals? Why won't God take it all away?

But, why did God give me life, and not others? Why am I currently breathing, at an incredible school, and about to graduate? What right did I have to have a beautiful, whole, loving family? Why am I so incredibly blessed, and why do I not realize and be thankful for it?

I don't know if you've ever been there, standing between two completely opposite perspectives, and wondering why God gives you the good and the bad. Why does he give us anything at all?

And honestly, why is that not enough for us, as unworthy as we are?

Enough is enough.

Your enough is enough.

That's all.

And his enough is enough for us.

DTI

The River of Life, or the Swamp? (Waiting, Part 1)

Would you rather have fresh, flowing creek water, or swamp water that's been sitting in a tundra divot for weeks?

Obviously, you want fresh water. So do I. But, in a literal sense, there was a moment not long ago that swamp water looked pretty good. It was a point I never imagined I'd reach.

We never think we'll be that far, but when we get there, all we can think about is quenching our thirst, not what happens afterward.

So before I start connecting this to the water of life God gives us, I need to tell a story. About a month ago, my dad and I went on a hunt. I'll skip the thrilling tale of our spotting and stalking a moose, and go right to the part after we were done cleaning and gutting my 60", 5 brow tine beauty.

It had been hot day full of walking and sitting in the heat, and we hadn't drank or ate anything for about 10 hours. When it was 6pm and we were ready to set back for camp, a 3 mile trek through rivers and swamps, we were beyond spent.

Getting back to camp was probably the hardest thing we've ever set out to accomplish.  We were dehydrated and hungry, and started getting delirious. We were nowhere near a trail, and started stumbling in the direction we thought was camp.

About 30 minutes into walking, I started hyperventilating. I was carrying a 60 lbs. pack, thirsty and hungry, and my vision was starting to spin. I needed water soon, or else we were about to have an emergency situation. So, we stopped, listened for the sound of water, and started in that direction. We dropped the meat we had, and walked as fast as our exhausted selves could, with reckless abandon, toward the sound of that water.

Along the way, if I'm being honest, that dirty swamp water I was stepping in with my bloody, gut covered boots looked really good. At one point, I even asked my dad how bad it could be to have one sip. Thankfully, he reminded me how terrible of an idea that was. But in the span of time we walked from the kill site to the creek, I contemplated drinking that swamp water more times than I can count.

When we finally got to the creek, I jumped in, shoes and all. I got soaked, and could not stop drinking the water that was bringing life back to my bones. Everything changed in that moment. I could take another step, I could breathe again, my vision was back, and I knew it was all going to be ok, no matter how long it took to get back to camp.

We did get back, over 3 hours later. But I will never forget that moment the fresh water hit my mouth. However, I didn't see how it related to my relationship with God until today at church.

That walk is our lives, and that water is what God has in store for us. The swamp water along the way is all the temptations and paths in our lives that lead us away from God. In our moments of spiritual strength, we know those are not good for us and lead to death. But, in the moments of weakness, that swamp water looks good. It looks like survival, and we convince ourselves that it's what is best for us.

We're all struggling and fighting to survive in this life. There are times we're lost, spent, losing focus, and there's no rest in sight. In that moment, we are defined. Do we give up and drink the swamp water? Or do we keep fighting, hold on, and trust that the fresh water is just around the corner?

Will you wait for what God has for you, or give up and settle for what you think is best for yourself, that ultimately leads to death?

That moment we reach the water is priceless. Fight to stay conscious, drop the load, and search for the living water with reckless abandon.

"Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life." (John 4:13)

I don't know about you, but I want that water.

DTI