3 Strikes, I'm Out.

Today was my first day as just a student.

We finished our season this last weekend, getting the at-large bid to regionals but falling short in the tournament.

This was my third season with Whitworth, and my last.

I don't remember a time when I wasn't playing a sport, especially softball. I have played baseball or softball since I was 5, so I am physically incapable of remembering a time before the sport I love. It has been a part of my daily life for 16 years.

And now, it's time to say goodbye.

This sport has given me so much, but it's also taken away. Up until college, I loved the game but had a hard time on certain teams, with specific teammates and coaches. It's not worth reflecting on those times, but I just try to remember the good and fun moments.

Then, two coaches at Whitworth University took a chance on me.

They didn't have to take me onto their team. I was a no-name from Anchorage, Alaska, definitely not the softball capital of America. I had to play baseball growing up because there was no softball around in my part of town until high school. Eventually, I asked to play for another district and made the switch. And I'm so glad I did.

Softball has taught me so much. On the surface, it's taught me hard work, discipline, and passion. It's taught me how to stick to something, improve, and never be satisfied with settling. It's taught me to always have goals and to work toward something better. It's taught me how to deal with failure, how to react to it, and how to celebrate successes. It's taught me how to lose, how to win, and how to be ok with where I'm at, and where I hope to be.

Softball truly changed my life the day I came to Whitworth.

I can attribute softball to introducing me to my best friends here. They are my support, my family, and my social life. Now, I even live with 4 of them and I know they always have my back, on and off the field. They were the first to accept me as a person 3 years ago, and they are the first to accept my decision. I appreciate this more than they will ever know.

The main reason I'm giving up the game is because it's time. It's time to focus on my academics, reset my priorities, and turn the page to a new chapter. And I can't even begin to explain how excited I am.

This next step is huge. I get to do research, take some amazing classes, have the time to do my absolute best in them, and apply to pharmacy school. I also get the time to figure out if that's for sure what I want to do, since I never had the time to sit and process if that's still the career path I want.

On the surface, it makes sense. School is the reason I'm here, and now is the time to work my hardest at it.

But there's so much more than just the surface, as we all know.

I am done with the game. It has attacked my spirit, my soul, and my love and passion for it. Each year, I asked God what to do and he distinctly said to come back, to take it one year at a time. I thought my team needed me.

But, I needed them more.

I had struggled all this year with my decision for next year as well. But this time, God said that no matter what I pick, as long as I never stop pursuing him, it won't matter where I go. He will go ahead.

That started the process of me trying to figure out what I really wanted from all this. And now I know. It's time to walk away from the game.

I thank God every moment for the peace of mind and the security in knowing it's time. I'm so glad I don't feel like my time was cut short. I'd much rather feel exhausted and spent by softball than be upset it ended too soon.

That's not to say I wasn't upset. I was a train wreck yesterday. It was the worst day in a long time. I felt like a part of me was gone, and I didn't know how to identify myself.

But, as always, God said just what I needed to hear.

Whether I play or not, whether I'm an athlete or just a student, or just Nikki, I am his child. I am his daughter. And no matter what career I have, no matter what activities I do, the way I play, how well I do in school or whether I succeed doesn't change for a second the person I am.

I know softball has made me a better person over the last 3 years. And just like my coach said, that is the definition of success.

Softball has been a success. It doesn't matter I'm terminating my career a year early, the benefits I achieved from it are beyond the field.

I was crying in my car after the games, and it hit me that I would never have another coach again.

But then, as always, God said exactly what I needed to hear:

"I've always been your coach. And I always will be."

Keep coaching me God, through this life. Thank you for being the best one I've ever had. And keep reminding me, as long as I'm successful in your eyes, that is more than enough.

As I walked away from the field into the research conference that was happening on campus just after our games, I couldn't help but feel like I was walking away from my past and into my future.

I have no clue what it will look like. But man, I could not be more excited.

The best part is, I get to take my best friend, coach, and Father with me.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

I'm grabbing that plan and running full force into the future. I can't wait for the next adventure with you, Lord.

DTI