Enough is Enough (Waiting, Part 2)

I started this post about 10 different times, and never felt it was right. I couldn't get the words I wanted to say, I didn't feel like God was speaking to me, and I was frustrated.

That pretty much sums up this past week.

And now, I realize why he was doing that. He's showing me I'm supposed to write this through all the mess. If I only wrote on "good days", I would never get anything done. And, I would never learn anything.

If we never view ourselves as enough, and if we let that paralyze us, we will never fulfill everything God has for us.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

We all have moments we don't feel like we're enough. That's life. It may sound harsh, but let me tell you how I've fallen short so you don't feel alone.

I failed a quiz today. I'm planning on taking a gap year and I have no idea what I'm going to do during it. I don't know when or where I'm going to grad school. I don't have straight A's. I have friendships and relationships that have crashed and burned. I have regrets, and I have pain. Life has tried to beat me down, and there are times I let it.

I fluctuate with God daily, sometimes so close to him I feel I can hear his breath within me, and other times so far away I don't even know how to initiate finding him again.

I sin daily, and I'm fallen. I wasn't enough for certain people to want to stay in my life, and I've pushed others away.

I'm lost, and sinking quickly in this description of all my shortcomings.

I am not enough.

But wait, aren't we taught that we are enough? Isn't it actually, "I am enough", just like all those t-shirts and devotionals say?

I'm here to tell you, you aren't enough.

The Bible says in Romans 3:23, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." We fall short. As depressing as that is, there is hope found in more verses than I can put into one blog post about God being enough.

And with him, all things are possible. Here are just a couple:

And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.

(Acts 4:12)

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From everlasting to everlasting you are God.

(Psalm 90:2)

Who am I to wonder, am I enough? And who am I to think I'm enough apart from God, the author and perfecter of our faith? He is the one who knows the plans he has for me, he spoke and the world came into being, he is the Word and the great I Am. And, he is beyond comprehension.

And me? I am but a speck of dust on the timeline of eternity.

So, I think we are all aware we are not enough, and God is more than enough. But, a question remains that I still struggle to answer: How am I enough for this incredible, all-powerful, eternal God? I am the farthest from worthy.

This, my friends, is where grace and mercy intercede on our behalf. They are embodied in Christ Jesus' sacrifice on the cross.

The unmerited favor of grace would not be grace by definition if we deserved it. We don't deserve it, and that's what makes this gift so incredible.

Ok so, if we know we are not enough, and God is more than enough, and we are enough for him through the grace of Jesus, I just have one last question for you all.

Why do we turn around and say what God gives us isn't enough? Think about that for a second. Do you ever get angry with God for not giving you what you think you deserve? I know I do. Why did God give people I love diseases, and no cure? Why do loved ones have to leave us? Why was I not athletically good enough? Why didn't I get that job, and why am I incapable of reaching certain goals? Why won't God take it all away?

But, why did God give me life, and not others? Why am I currently breathing, at an incredible school, and about to graduate? What right did I have to have a beautiful, whole, loving family? Why am I so incredibly blessed, and why do I not realize and be thankful for it?

I don't know if you've ever been there, standing between two completely opposite perspectives, and wondering why God gives you the good and the bad. Why does he give us anything at all?

And honestly, why is that not enough for us, as unworthy as we are?

Enough is enough.

Your enough is enough.

That's all.

And his enough is enough for us.

DTI

The River of Life, or the Swamp? (Waiting, Part 1)

Would you rather have fresh, flowing creek water, or swamp water that's been sitting in a tundra divot for weeks?

Obviously, you want fresh water. So do I. But, in a literal sense, there was a moment not long ago that swamp water looked pretty good. It was a point I never imagined I'd reach.

We never think we'll be that far, but when we get there, all we can think about is quenching our thirst, not what happens afterward.

So before I start connecting this to the water of life God gives us, I need to tell a story. About a month ago, my dad and I went on a hunt. I'll skip the thrilling tale of our spotting and stalking a moose, and go right to the part after we were done cleaning and gutting my 60", 5 brow tine beauty.

It had been hot day full of walking and sitting in the heat, and we hadn't drank or ate anything for about 10 hours. When it was 6pm and we were ready to set back for camp, a 3 mile trek through rivers and swamps, we were beyond spent.

Getting back to camp was probably the hardest thing we've ever set out to accomplish.  We were dehydrated and hungry, and started getting delirious. We were nowhere near a trail, and started stumbling in the direction we thought was camp.

About 30 minutes into walking, I started hyperventilating. I was carrying a 60 lbs. pack, thirsty and hungry, and my vision was starting to spin. I needed water soon, or else we were about to have an emergency situation. So, we stopped, listened for the sound of water, and started in that direction. We dropped the meat we had, and walked as fast as our exhausted selves could, with reckless abandon, toward the sound of that water.

Along the way, if I'm being honest, that dirty swamp water I was stepping in with my bloody, gut covered boots looked really good. At one point, I even asked my dad how bad it could be to have one sip. Thankfully, he reminded me how terrible of an idea that was. But in the span of time we walked from the kill site to the creek, I contemplated drinking that swamp water more times than I can count.

When we finally got to the creek, I jumped in, shoes and all. I got soaked, and could not stop drinking the water that was bringing life back to my bones. Everything changed in that moment. I could take another step, I could breathe again, my vision was back, and I knew it was all going to be ok, no matter how long it took to get back to camp.

We did get back, over 3 hours later. But I will never forget that moment the fresh water hit my mouth. However, I didn't see how it related to my relationship with God until today at church.

That walk is our lives, and that water is what God has in store for us. The swamp water along the way is all the temptations and paths in our lives that lead us away from God. In our moments of spiritual strength, we know those are not good for us and lead to death. But, in the moments of weakness, that swamp water looks good. It looks like survival, and we convince ourselves that it's what is best for us.

We're all struggling and fighting to survive in this life. There are times we're lost, spent, losing focus, and there's no rest in sight. In that moment, we are defined. Do we give up and drink the swamp water? Or do we keep fighting, hold on, and trust that the fresh water is just around the corner?

Will you wait for what God has for you, or give up and settle for what you think is best for yourself, that ultimately leads to death?

That moment we reach the water is priceless. Fight to stay conscious, drop the load, and search for the living water with reckless abandon.

"Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life." (John 4:13)

I don't know about you, but I want that water.

DTI

3 Strikes, I'm Out.

Today was my first day as just a student.

We finished our season this last weekend, getting the at-large bid to regionals but falling short in the tournament.

This was my third season with Whitworth, and my last.

I don't remember a time when I wasn't playing a sport, especially softball. I have played baseball or softball since I was 5, so I am physically incapable of remembering a time before the sport I love. It has been a part of my daily life for 16 years.

And now, it's time to say goodbye.

This sport has given me so much, but it's also taken away. Up until college, I loved the game but had a hard time on certain teams, with specific teammates and coaches. It's not worth reflecting on those times, but I just try to remember the good and fun moments.

Then, two coaches at Whitworth University took a chance on me.

They didn't have to take me onto their team. I was a no-name from Anchorage, Alaska, definitely not the softball capital of America. I had to play baseball growing up because there was no softball around in my part of town until high school. Eventually, I asked to play for another district and made the switch. And I'm so glad I did.

Softball has taught me so much. On the surface, it's taught me hard work, discipline, and passion. It's taught me how to stick to something, improve, and never be satisfied with settling. It's taught me to always have goals and to work toward something better. It's taught me how to deal with failure, how to react to it, and how to celebrate successes. It's taught me how to lose, how to win, and how to be ok with where I'm at, and where I hope to be.

Softball truly changed my life the day I came to Whitworth.

I can attribute softball to introducing me to my best friends here. They are my support, my family, and my social life. Now, I even live with 4 of them and I know they always have my back, on and off the field. They were the first to accept me as a person 3 years ago, and they are the first to accept my decision. I appreciate this more than they will ever know.

The main reason I'm giving up the game is because it's time. It's time to focus on my academics, reset my priorities, and turn the page to a new chapter. And I can't even begin to explain how excited I am.

This next step is huge. I get to do research, take some amazing classes, have the time to do my absolute best in them, and apply to pharmacy school. I also get the time to figure out if that's for sure what I want to do, since I never had the time to sit and process if that's still the career path I want.

On the surface, it makes sense. School is the reason I'm here, and now is the time to work my hardest at it.

But there's so much more than just the surface, as we all know.

I am done with the game. It has attacked my spirit, my soul, and my love and passion for it. Each year, I asked God what to do and he distinctly said to come back, to take it one year at a time. I thought my team needed me.

But, I needed them more.

I had struggled all this year with my decision for next year as well. But this time, God said that no matter what I pick, as long as I never stop pursuing him, it won't matter where I go. He will go ahead.

That started the process of me trying to figure out what I really wanted from all this. And now I know. It's time to walk away from the game.

I thank God every moment for the peace of mind and the security in knowing it's time. I'm so glad I don't feel like my time was cut short. I'd much rather feel exhausted and spent by softball than be upset it ended too soon.

That's not to say I wasn't upset. I was a train wreck yesterday. It was the worst day in a long time. I felt like a part of me was gone, and I didn't know how to identify myself.

But, as always, God said just what I needed to hear.

Whether I play or not, whether I'm an athlete or just a student, or just Nikki, I am his child. I am his daughter. And no matter what career I have, no matter what activities I do, the way I play, how well I do in school or whether I succeed doesn't change for a second the person I am.

I know softball has made me a better person over the last 3 years. And just like my coach said, that is the definition of success.

Softball has been a success. It doesn't matter I'm terminating my career a year early, the benefits I achieved from it are beyond the field.

I was crying in my car after the games, and it hit me that I would never have another coach again.

But then, as always, God said exactly what I needed to hear:

"I've always been your coach. And I always will be."

Keep coaching me God, through this life. Thank you for being the best one I've ever had. And keep reminding me, as long as I'm successful in your eyes, that is more than enough.

As I walked away from the field into the research conference that was happening on campus just after our games, I couldn't help but feel like I was walking away from my past and into my future.

I have no clue what it will look like. But man, I could not be more excited.

The best part is, I get to take my best friend, coach, and Father with me.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

I'm grabbing that plan and running full force into the future. I can't wait for the next adventure with you, Lord.

DTI

A List of Things I Learned in Guatemala

As many of you may know from numerous photo spams on Facebook feeds, I went to Guatemala for the month of January. I can't believe it's already over after applying, crying over my acceptance, and preparing for a year. I can chalk it up to being one of the greatest highlights of college, and my life.

I learned a lot down there, more than I can put into just a few paragraphs. But I figured a list would make it more clear cut and organized, not to mention comprehendible.

Here it is:

1. Underneath all the differences, we are all the same at the end of the day.

Ok, that's it.

Actually, I starting writing a list of things I learned, got to 20, and I stopped. I realized they could all be summed up into this one statement.

This trip was extremely hard for me. I felt like I stuck out. I felt awkward. I felt horrible for not being up to date with their history, and I learned some heartbreaking things. My own beliefs and convictions were greatly challenged, and a few positions I held were shattered.

I would go home, sit at the table with my family, listening and speaking in a language not native to me, and would be so overwhelmed.

At first, it was not a good overwhelmed. I felt so inadequate. I couldn't communicate, and I felt like I couldn't understand not only their language but their culture.

But I sat there at dinner every night, and after the first couple days, conversations came easier. Laughter filled the house, and their smiles were the best part of my day. For a month, I was their daugher. And that was the greatest honor I could've ever been given.

One night, I felt like I was drowning. But this time, I was overwhelmed with love.

These people are God's children. Guatemala is God's country. He created it with my family in mind.
He created it for each one of them, knowing them fully. He knows their language and their culture.

And for the first time, I think I got a glimpse of God's love for humanity.

 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8).

We are all the same. We are his children, and so loved by a God I can't even begin to comprehend. There is no greater love. He is immense. He is indescribable.

He put that family in my life, and I can never say thank you enough.

The last night there, each person said a goodbye. After they all went, it was my turn.

Once again, I didn't have the words, but I didn't need them. I just knew. And I know they did too.

I just pray that every day, I see the world a little more like Jesus does. It's not easy, but no one said this life was easy. I know for a fact that trip wasn't, and if you ever want to know more, please shoot me a message. I'd love to talk about it.

That was a life-changing trip, but whether I decide to let it change my lives is up to me. Remind me each day, Lord, of the amazing promises and prayers you fulfilled and answered there. Use it to change me.

That way, maybe we can change the world in turn, one small step at a time.

"Over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." (Colossians 3:14)

Cerro de la Cruz, Antigua

DTI

If Hope is the Anchor, then Faith is the Action

I want to talk today about trust and hope.

Have you ever really trusted someone? Have you ever known that he or she would never let you down, no matter what and that person was always there?

Typically, in this world, that follows with disappointment and regret.

Today, we talked about awakening to regret. We are in a 5 week series about Finding Your Way Back to God.

First, there is an awakening to longing, a longing that nothing in this world can satisfy and was designed to lead us to God.

This past week, that longing has overwhelmed me.

I sat and listened to Heaven Song by Phil Wickham daily, realizing the awakening of longing in my heart.

"I want to run on greener pastures, I want to dance on higher hills
I want to drink from sweeter waters, in the misty morning chill
And my soul is getting restless, for the place where I belong
I can't wait to join the angels
And sing my heaven song."

This desire is striking.

I'm longing for something I've never had. I want for a place I've never seen, and a God I've only heard and felt.

Think for a second how much trust that takes.

We trust that there is a God, who loves us so much He has prepared a place for us. We trust that believing in Him is all it takes to get there, and we trust that we are placed on this earth with a purpose and a plan.

Now, reread those last 2 sentences and replace the word trust with hope.

We hope that there is a God, who loves us so much He has prepared a place for us. We hope that believing in Him is all it takes to get there, and we hope that we are placed on this earth with a purpose and plan.

How has that sentence changed for you?

Trust leads to hope. Trust is the foundation of hope.

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure..." (Hebrews 6:19).

If hope is the anchor, then trust is the action of throwing that hope overboard.

Something that I have discovered is that this anchor can sink in to a multitude of things.

I honestly have thrown my hope at so many people, places, and things. Every time, they didn't hold and I drifted.

But here's the difference: I pulled that anchor right back in and hurled it at God.

With Christ as my salvation, I'm not lost at sea. I know exactly where to throw it, I just choose not to sometimes.

What God has shown me these past few months is that he is not mad I threw it at other things. All I felt was love when I realized my mistakes, adjusted my thinking, and cast it all on Him.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Romans 8:1).

At True Hope, my church, our pastor challenged us to make a bet on God.

"God, if you are real, make yourself real to me."

I have believed in God my entire life, but I still took that bet. He challenged us to pursue God wholeheartedly, whether you believe in Him or not, and bet that it would be impossible for our lives not to change.

This week, a new aspect was added:

"God, if you are real, make yourself real to me. Awaken in me the possibility that with you I could start over again."

He won't reveal Himself to us, then do nothing. If we are willing, He'll reveal Himself and then rock our world.

I challenge you to take that bet, and see if He changes your life. I know He will.

He has with me, and is every second.

Keep throwing that anchor at him, and hold fast to Him as the waves pass by.

"Be still, and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).

DTI

Count Your Many Blessings...

I had prayer journals growing up, but I found myself either tripping over the words or not keeping up with the prayers as they flowed from my mind. I gave up, and just prayed out loud. This is great, but it's also great having something to look back on as a reminder of God's goodness.

So I started a prayer journal, listing things I am thankful for. Whether I'm having a good day, or a bad one, when I start writing everything I can think of for that day, I forget about everything else. The whole day melts away and suddenly, I realize I have a full page!

My awesome roommate is the one who suggested keeping a journal like this at the beginning of the summer, and these are the amazing ways God has changed me in only a few weeks.

1. I see everything in a different light.
Instead of being depressed on a rainy day, I go for a run and see rain for what it is: a giver of life. Plants are greener, the sky is bluer, and the sun is warmer after a rainy day. This is much like the trials in our life. We appreciate the good days much more after the bad ones pass. And when they come again, we hold on to the good ones. This is why God gives us both.
But, I also stop and think about why I love rain. The feeling of water fresh on my face, the smell of rainfall and the breeze kissing my face are beyond compare. It is a beauty that has been unveiled these past few weeks because everything seems different with a grateful heart.

2. I notice the little things, especially those we take for granted.
For example, here are a couple quotes from my journal:
"For my literacy, that I can read and enjoy books."
"Baseball games on Tuesday nights."
"The physical and mental capacity to work hard."
"For my steady happiness and security in who I am, ultimately who I am in God."
These are things I have never put into words before, and looking back on each day I see how truly blessed I am. And, there are so many daily things, there are not enough pages to express them all. I'm thankful for that too. It's something we don't realize, and take for granted.

3. I feel an overwhelming, surprising, crazy joy.
I can be sitting in a car on a long drive, and think to myself "what will I be thankful for today, to write in my journal?" I look around, and am attacked like a wave crashing over me with everything I see that I love my God for more and more. I can't explain it in words, but there are moments I feel like God reaches down, breathes into me, and holds tight to my heart whispering words of love. It is a raw joy at the core of my being that I can now attribute to why I get through trials. I never identified it before, but it is thankfulness and gratitude to a faithful God that sought me out. That is my joy.

4. I can see God clearer, and He's closer than ever.
Sometimes (honestly, most of the time) I don't understand what God's up to. But, just as Isaiah 55:9 states, "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Who am I to understand the Alpha and the Omega? But, I can see Him in every single moment when I realize how much I have to be thankful for. I can understand that I may not know what he's up to, but I can see that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). A trust that is not of this world has been instilled, and I'm not letting go.

5. I can feel the negative weight of this world fading away.
When I look at everything I'm thankful for, and these are only God's earthly blessings, I am secure and confident. I am optimistic, and so in love with my amazing Creator that nothing else matters. I see trials, and I know God's got it. I see persecution, hardship, loss, tears, sorrow, and pain, and I know that someday it will all be wiped clean. The blessings we have today are only tiny, minuscule glimpses of the vast amount God has in store for us. Like Peter, we must keep our eyes locked on him. Don't look at the waves, the negativity, the weight of this heavy world. Lock our eyes, and we won't sink.

Thankfulness is one of the strongest, most natural forms of worship. Our God is a jealous God, one that desires us to seek His heart and give Him praise alone. In being thankful, we honor God in one of the most perfect ways possible.

I never expected to get any of this out of a gratitude journal, and these are only the things for which I could find the words. There is so much more. I encourage you to start. It doesn't have to be much, just one or two sentences at the end of the day. I started that way, and realized I could never write everything I'm thankful for in two sentences. Pages later, I only can begin to record his awesome blessings.

This prayer journal has been a blessing in and of itself, and I'm thankful for it.

DTI

Inspired to Imitate

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

And yes, I did do my hair and makeup for this picture just to make as similar a copy of 1989 as I could. But it is obviously not the same.

Entire industries are built off this principle of copying. It is the foundation celebrities stand on. People long to be trendsetters, and establish their careers and following this way.

We all see the famous in the news. They influence our clothing, style, pictures, and activities. Then, their influence becomes so ingrained, we think their ideas are our original thoughts.

Growing up, I hated when someone would copy me. When someone dressed like I did, talked like I did, or followed me around, it would drive me insane. I didn't understand why people acted this way, and I wanted to be original. Yet at the same time, I found myself wishing I was like other people around me.

We all imitate each other, yet we desire to be unique. This tension follows us wherever we go; a balancing act between being ourselves, yet fitting in. Just like this picture, we strive to look like one another, and at the same time try to put our own twist on it. Then, we call it "original".

There was only one special, original, unique person to have walked this earth, and is supposed to be our inspiration for imitation. Jesus Christ imitated God fully, yet was the incarnation of the Almighty. He was both, and exemplified it perfectly.

That is why we strive to be original, but also imitate at the same time. It is at the core of our nature to not understand the dichotomy between the two.

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children." (Ephesians 5:1).

In the same way we imitate our parents due to their great influence throughout our years, God should be at the top of that influence and our role model each and every second of our lives. He should be so ingrained in our hearts and minds, striving to be more like him would be second nature.

But, imitation is not the original and it falls short every single time. As much as we try to look and dress like our role models and celebrities, play like our professional athletes, sing and perform like artists and actors, we aren't them.

In the same way, we are created in God's image, but we are no where near where he is and never will be.

"Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face." (1 Corinthians 13:12)

The whole point of our existence is to imitate God and someday be reconciled with him, the author and perfecter of our faith.

So what does this look like? Jesus told us himself that we must keep the commandments, love one another, above all love God, and give all we have to those who lack (Matthew 19). The gospels are a great place to start, because Jesus lived out the perfection of God and laid out the perfect example of how we as followers of God are to impact the world.

Although it is not clear to us now, someday it will be. In the meantime, we can do our best to imitate the great I Am, knowing we will come short every time, but also knowing his grace will meet us right where we are.

DTI

Words: Can We Afford Them?

I've been thinking about words lately. Words are a powerful tool, with the capacity to build up or tear down. From a young age my parents have taught me, "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all."

Well, I believe that is lost on my generation. We thrive off tearing each other down, believing it will somehow build ourselves up. We hide behind emails, texts, comments, and posts all online, removing the intimacy of the words so we avoid the guilt. Anything can be said through a screen, with a lot less repercussions.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

This makes me laugh every single time. In my life, I've found words have hurt more than any physical attack I have ever experienced. To say this phrase and truly mean it is to have the toughest skin of anyone I know, and probably in this entire world. Words will always affect us to our core.

So how do we deal with them when someone we know, especially one we care about, says something hurtful?

The scariest thing about hurtful words is that once they're out there, they can't be taken back.

I had lunch with Bob Goff (author of Love Does) recently. Amongst all the amazing words of wisdom he expressed, he said one thing that will always stick with me: "I don't use negative words, or words of correction. I can't afford it."

I thought he meant figuratively, but turns out he meant literally. For every negative word, he gives away $500. So, he chooses his words wisely.

At first, I thought to myself, "Wow, I would never say words of destruction if I had to pay every time!"

But the sad truth is, we do pay every time. We lose friendships, relationships, connections, and a piece of ourselves whenever we tear someone else down. This world of gossip and rumors has taught us that words don't mean anything, but lately I've seen them ruin relationships not only personally, but for other people in my life as well.

And how sad is it that we would stop saying hurtful words if the repercussions were financial, yet we aren't concerned with the effect they have on relationships and other people?

Proverbs 18:21 says that "death and life are in the power of the tongue". We have the power to choose daily whether to spread death, or encourage life.

With the Word of His mouth, God spoke this world into existence. And, in Revelation, it is revealed that with the Word, God will usher in the new heavens and new earth. It is incredible that God uses not brute force, but the power of speech to accomplish His will.

The power of words that we have here on earth is only a glimpse and reflection of the power of God's Word. It is a sharp, double-edged sword with the authority to speak life or destroy.

I know it is easy to get sucked into gossip and slander. I am not perfect. I've found myself joining in at times. But, my perspective has changed these last couple months and I want to stop.

So how do we speak life, and cease to tear each other down? I pray that every time I am about to say something destructive, or am involved in a negative conversation, that God convicts me right then and there and helps me swallow my pride. I pray that I have the strength to not say such words, stop saying them in the moment, and apologize to the ones I've slandered.

We are sisters and brothers in Christ, and there is no need to tear someone else down. Let's start speaking life, and building one another up. Let's start filling the void, not making it bigger. Let's start living a rich and full life, beginning with our words.

I will do my best to speak positive words from now on, and watch what I say. I will avoid words of negativity.

I can't afford it.

DTI

Perfection: What is it Anyway?

"Have you wandered from the gospel in your own thinking and believe that you're useless for God's kingdom because you're not perfect?" -Joel Engle

I was listening to my home church's online message a few days ago when Pastor Joel said this quote. Out of the whole message, this struck me the most because it hit home.

I am a Type A perfectionist. Being in college, I notice most people are. At times this is extremely beneficial, but it can also cripple and paralyze us. Personally, I fear imperfection so much that I am scared to even try time and time again. Striving for perfection does have its benefits, but Satan can also use it to knock you on the ground.

After that quote, I thought to myself...what does the Bible say about perfection, beyond just what I've heard from Sunday school?

Paul talks about perfection in Philippians: "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." Philippians 3:12

This verse is freeing. It speaks to the fact that life is imperfection in and of itself; we will never obtain flawlessness. Daily, we are faced with falling short. Grades, relationships, money, time...there's never enough of anything. We deal with the idea of infinity: reaching, but never quite making it.

So we'll never "make it". How do we deal with it then?

Just like the verse says, we press toward Jesus. Christ wants us, in all our imperfections and false senses of fulfillment. He wants my struggle, my shortcomings, and my failure. He took hold of every part of us, and solely asks that we do the same.

My perfectionism makes my relationship with Jesus harder. It makes college more difficult, and my goals scare me. But, God made me this way for a reason. And, every time I fall short He uses it to teach me how to fully rely on Him.

If you don't feel good enough for God, I'm here to tell you we aren't. We are imperfect, sinners, and not worthy of His love. That's what makes His grace amazing; He wants it all. He's passionate for your weakness, and loves every single broken piece. I know it's not easy, but He wants us to turn to Him in the times we are lost, frustrated, and torn by our shortcomings.

We are beyond blessed to serve a God "who makes everything holy and whole" (1 Thessalonians 5:23) and will do so if we let Him. Granted we will never be perfect until we are actually with Him, but letting God be the power in our weakness is the closest picture to perfection we can obtain.

You are not useless to His kingdom. Far from it. How can we, in our human minds, ever fully understand the idea of perfection or judge ourselves as imperfect? Who are we to say God can't use us? We are the works of God, and He created us just as we are. In His eyes, we are perfect. He can use anyone, and loves us all. Don't be afraid of failing in furthering His kingdom. God has every day of your life written and ordained, before any have come to be (Psalm 139:16).

Something interesting I found when searching "perfection" in the Thesaurus is that it is synonymous with "improvement". Even Webster knows perfection is unattainable! All God asks us is that we work to better ourselves, striving to follow Him. We truly are precious in His sight, and that is liberating.

We are imperfect people serving a perfect God.

DTI

To Regret, or Not to Regret

We seem to always measure life as black or white. We fail, or we succeed. We love, or we hate. We regret, or make the most of something.

Something I've struggled with lately is regretting some moments in the past.

Normally, you would hear that and think the worst. But, I mean "little" things. Like saying goodbye, not trying a new food, not calling a friend when you felt he would need it most, or today, for example, when term GPA's came out.

For each of us, this looks different. But mainly, I've noticed we regret not fighting to save something special; that meant the world to us.

The question I've asked myself lately is how do I find peace amidst it all? Because at the end of the day, I have an amazing life. I'm so beyond blessed, and thankful to God for each day here on earth. I have amazing friends, family, and opportunities. I almost feel bad for regretting.

But, if I'm not careful, the past will creep up on me. The mistakes can still swallow me whole in my weakest moments.

"...But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead." (Philippians 3:13)

I want to believe God orchestrated each and every mistake and shortcoming to lead me on this path I already walk. Life is too short for "what ifs" and "maybes". It's too short for regrets and losing sanity.

That doesn't mean I don't miss those I said goodbye to.

And that doesn't mean I don't think about the past. I just pray daily that God helps me when I do. I don't know what that looks like, but he knows what I need more than I do and long before I realize how to ask for it.

God does not call us to live in fear of our next regret. He desires for us a vivacious life, full of love and hope and meaning. This purposeful life is one I need God to redirect my mind toward.

And when he meets me there, I find my peace.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell in the past. See! I am doing a new thing" (Isaiah 43:18)

And God always will, because he works things out "for the good of those who love him". Remember that.

Here's the thing: It's impossible to live without regrets. We want to believe we can. We make motivational posters, write song lyrics, and have motivational speakers about it. But, this just proves that it's an unavoidable problem, since everyone deals with it.

Only one person lived without regrets: Jesus.

That's what makes Christmas time so special. We remember when Jesus gave up everything and came down to this earth to die for you and me. He became sin, who knew no sin. He became human, from divine. He demonstrated an ultimate love...

...and never regretted a single moment of it.

God, I pray that you always reminisce with me, and guide my future. With you, I know I won't falter. Thank you for your perfect gift, and for knowing exactly what you're doing, with no regrets. That you don't regret a single thing and would do it again in a heartbeat is an immeasurable love.

This Christmas, remember that during this season of looking back.

And don't forget to always look to what's ahead.

Merry Christmas :)

DTI

Identity and the Self

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

This verse has meant many things to me over the years. I have used it in so many instances: in sports, in school, in life, etc.

But, it has taken on a whole new meaning for me this year. This verse is our identity; it is the core of who we are. Because who God is to us defines us.

(Side note: I encourage you to read the whole passage "More than Conquerors" (vs. 31-39). It is one of the most passionate passages I have found in the entire Bible.)

Ok so I have two statements to make from this. One, we are God's children and nothing can take that away. Two, because we are His, nothing else matters. What people think, what we look like, what we think of ourselves, it is all irrelevant because we are sons and daughters of the King.

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

These two verses together paint an incredible picture of who we are to God. I don't know about you, but I want to see myself as God sees me, not as the world sees me. "The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7.

What if we all looked at each other as those verses define us? Not only would the world be vastly different, but I know I would be changed completely. Not only in how I see myself, but the way I see others would be transformed.

And this is what God means by love one another; that we would see each other for what God has made us, not what the world has depicted us. By loving one another, we respect God's masterpiece and the ultimate and intelligent design He destined for this world.

By learning to love one another and seeing each other in this light, I know we would learn how to love ourselves.

I've never had many close girl friends. Growing up with a brother, I've always connected better with guys. But coming here to Whitworth and living in a dorm full of girls, I see how we act, toward ourselves and each other. Girls will tear themselves and others down for approval and in search for compliments. I'm not saying this of all girls here or in general, but I know from high school and college that the majority of women in this world do not see themselves in the light God has shone for us.

I see girls seeking each other's approval, and doing everything to get it. I see girls telling each other one thing, and another behind their backs. I see girls not loving themselves, and doing everything to feel accepted, as if this false form of love can fill them. And, it breaks my heart.

I'm not saying I'm immune. Quite the opposite; I catch myself thinking of these things and at times falling for the lies the world tells us. The world is out to get the self-image of women, and strip her of her identity. It's a brutal battle, one that I have had to fight often.

But here's the thing: I don't fight alone. My Father is right here, reminding me of my worth every time I forget it. I pray that you let Him come close and remind you of your identity as well.

Because "we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works..." Ephesians 2:10.

And we can't further His kingdom or do His work if we cannot remember that we are created with a purpose, beautifully, and masterfully. We are God's children, and we shortchange the Lord of all creation if we think any less than that.

If you struggle with how you see yourself, try this: pick some verses (like I did in this post) and next time you look in the mirror, and every time if it helps, speak those words of life and watch yourself declare them.

I pray that you begin to see yourself as God sees you, and that we all can do the same with each other.



DTI

Death and Life

This entry was written by my beloved brother. I am so proud and blessed to walk through life with him. He asked me to post this testimony, written in his words. So here they are...5 years to the day of the origin of this story; this pivotal time.

Philippians 1:21-“…to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

In life, there is only one certainty.

We don’t know if we will be rich or poor. We are indecisive about where to live. We have no idea what tomorrow holds, let alone the next moment. There are so many uncertainties in life; it would take pages to write each one of them.

But there is one certainty: death.

At some point, each of us will embrace this death. We will be buried underground and, depending on what you believe in, will be in heaven or elsewhere.

Unfortunately, death hits us all in various personal ways. We lose a family member, or a friend, and our entire demeanor is altered by the event. We remember them in all we do, doing things to expand their legacy. Some people do not know death while others are all too familiar with it.

Unfortunately, I lost a best friend due to a car crash.

It rocked my whole world. I went into depression, contemplated suicide, and felt as if there was nothing to live for. I lost someone I truly cared for and who had shared life with me.

What was I to do?

Then, something happened that changed my life.

I talked with my family about it. I went to a Lecrae concert. Suddenly, through these two actions, the comfort of God swept over my life. I felt…different. Life did not seem so sad. I decided to not kill myself (after a long time debating whether to or not). I thought to myself, “You know what, God? I thought I believed in you my whole life, but I have not. I want a do-over; start from the beginning. I believe in your grace, your goodness, and I need that.”

God is great about re-do’s.

I called mulligan. I wanted another shot. I decided, due to the death of my friend, I would live for something more under the Creator of the Universe. I would do His will, attempting to live for Him and what He stood for.

It was the best decision I ever made. I am doing the will of God via law school, and I finally feel complete. I really miss my friend, but I know he is in Heaven watching over me. He would have told me to live life to the fullest, and I am trying my best to do so.

To anyone who has experienced death-you are not alone. Talk to family, attend counseling (that helped me immensely), allow others to see your pain, and pray.

Side note: Counseling is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows you are willing to confront issues head on and deal with them accordingly.

There are so many options in how to deal with death, and I found many. By far, finding Jesus was the best. He came to me in my weakness and said, “Let me take over. I got this.”

As I accepted Jesus into my heart, head to the ground crying, I found peace for the first time in a long time. I found someone who came to me in my weakness, provided help, and an answer I was long in seeking. Death changed me. But, I did not let death create more death. Like a phoenix from the ashes of my old life, I have found a new one in Jesus. And I know that is what Tyler would have wanted.

Psalm 37:4-“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

Dan Olsen

DTI

Breath of Life: A Testimony

We all have a testimony. Some of us have multiple ones. As we get older, new experiences create new stories, leading to new testimonies.

Today, I want to publicly share one of mine.

This testimony is not one of conversion, or a huge religious 180 degree spin from a life of hardship. But it is where God found me, and continues to every day.

Although it seems so long ago now, there was a time where my health consumed my thoughts. My sophomore year of high school, I began to have problems. I was diagnosed with asthma and many allergies, and given medications and inhalers to fix the problem.

Time went on, and the medications didn't help. The doses were increased, different types of inhalers were introduced, and my junior year became a year of dependency on 10 pills and 3 inhalers daily, one of which was an addictive steroid. If I didn't take my medicine, I would go through withdrawals and couldn't function. On top of all this, I found out much later that during everything I had chronic mononucleosis as well. (This is different than the "kissing disease". This one can last up to a year, and debilitates your body, making you weak and unable to function. Physical activity and living a normal life can actually damage the liver during this sickness.)

In spite of everything, I kept going. I took AP/IB classes, did XC Running and Skiing, Flag Football and Softball, and continued all my activities out of school as well. Every day, my strength waned more and more, and it was harder by the day to catch enough air to successfully breathe. Every moment hurt.

At this point, I had dreams to play softball in college. I had goals to successfully complete undergrad, and go to medical school. My new dreams, however, became ones in which I could walk up stairs without losing my breath, stop gaining weight from all my medications, and wake up each morning without the struggle of breathing. We knew it was time to do something.

My senior year was full of struggle, and doctor appointments. My family was worried, I was worried, and we prayed constantly. But I didn't tell most people how bad it really was.

Another year and dozens of doctor appointments later, God answered our prayers. I had surgery to remove my adenoids and was diagnosed with Vocal Chord Dysfunction. For the next 6 months, however, I struggled to wean off of my medicines. Getting away from my dependency on the inhalers and pills took time, tears, and solely the strength of God.

Today, I can wake up and breathe. I thank God every day for how far he brought me. Now, I have only 2 pills, and they are both over-the-counter for allergies. I no longer use an inhaler. This doesn't mean there aren't times of struggle though. Last winter, I had to use an emergency inhaler once. Exercise and cold still grab at my throat and threaten to take my breath away.

But, something's different. I'm no longer afraid. There are so many Bible verses about worry and anxiety, but one sticks out to me as I look back at the past 3 years: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27.

The God of the universe knows what He's doing. He gives us the breath of life, and I have never been more thankful for that. He gave it to me, and He can take it away. But, these past 3 years made me learn that His timing is above all, and He knows the plans He has for me; greater than any I can think for myself. And I have found freedom in that.

So to conclude my testimony, I can stand here and say that God is good. He never left, and never will. Not only did He walk every step of the way with me, He blessed me beyond anything I ever imagined. All the dreams and goals I gave up, He reinstated. I am now playing college ball, in undergrad studying chemistry, and set on a track to go to medical school. Every day, the amount of blessings God reveals blows my mind.

I can now make it through softball practice with my breath still in tact. I even was able to run a total of 150 miles this summer. I can focus on my school work because I am no longer going through medication withdrawals. I discovered an amazing group of support and love from my family and close friends. And I drew closer to God than I have ever been in my life.

So I write this to glorify God. I would not be where I am without Him.

Just like He was there for me, even the moments during those 3 years when it didn't feel like it, he is there for you too. And never leaves.

And for that, I am eternally grateful.

"The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives
me life." Job 33:4

DTI

From God to Us: A Flight

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:29-31

My child, your life is like a flight. I have prepped you and equipped you for the journey, and showered you with blessings. I have allowed you to take that, and run with it. Take off, and see where I lead you!

This does not mean it will all be smooth sailing. There will be headwinds, turbulence, and storms. There will be delays, and breakdowns. People will disappoint, life will throw curveballs. But, it all makes lifting off the ground that much more of a miracle.

You get off the ground, but your troubles don't stop there. People and luggage will weigh you down. Mistakes can be made, you may stall. But, it's all about trusting Me to get you through anything. Sometimes, the fog will be so thick, you can't see the finish line; my goal and purpose for the trials I put you under. I promise, it is solely out of my love for you. Trust Me to navigate your life as you take off and head out into the unknown.

You ascend, passing thousands of feet into the air. The higher you get, the smaller the world appears. The world is insignificant and will pass away as fast as you leave this city behind. Watch your problems become as minimal as the minuscule buildings in the distance.

The clouds approach, and this becomes the true test. Will you trust Me, and leave what is seen behind to enter a world you cannot see or understand? Although it is a struggle to fly below the clouds, you stay there because you can see and feel. Trust Me; let Me take you out of the misery. Close your eyes, and feel My hand guiding you up.

You pass through the clouds, clinging to Me in trust and love. I whisper, "Open your eyes." This calm, this beauty, this light above the clouds is what I have for you. Look at the expanse of blessings. This is what I have in store for you. This is all I have for you. Stay up here with Me; abide in me. Let Me sustain you. Let Me love you.

However, sometimes you don't believe that this can possibly be yours, and you let go. You feel undeserving, and too insignificant for My plan. If only you would listen as I call out to you at that time! You find yourself falling below the clouds, in a flurry of hastened excuses. Your burdens, running low on fuel, sins, regret, depression, all anchor you down. They find a way between us, and you lose your focus on Me, the author and perfecter of your faith. I reach for you as you pass through the clouds, waiting.

But, you don't reach back to Me yet. You fall for the lies, thinking I'm not there. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am there, talking to you as well. But, you choose to listen to the lies.

Find my voice! I am there; no, I am here. Right now, in this moment. I am desperately after you, all you have to do is turn around! Listen to me: you are fearfully and wonderfully made. My works are wonderful. You are a temple and house to My spirit. You are My child. I know the plans I have for you. Each one was written in your life before you even came to be. These plans are to prosper you, not to harm you. They are to give you a hope and future. I knew what I was doing when I formed you in the secret place. I could not be happier with you. I am proud of you. Neither height nor depth, angels or demons, no power of hell or scheme of man can ever pluck you from My hand or separate you from My love.

You may drift, you may falter. But, My love and faithfulness shall never falter, drift, or fade. It is a roaring flame that cannot be quenched.

Let your heart find this fire. Catch it, and let if lift you back up above the clouds where I alone exist. Nothing else matters, because I love you. I approve of you, no other approval matters. Focus on Me. Grasp this expanse of blessings I have for you. Spend time with Me, let's watch the sunset together. I love you, and eagerly await your arrival.

DTI

Stars and Distractions

"For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light..." Ephesians 5:8

The stars are always present. They are there, 24/7. In day, we cannot see them. It is not their time. But at night, they are light to those stuck in the darkness.

The biggest shame is when their light is blocked. I remember in 3rd grade, trying to find constellations when studying the stars in class. I had to go outside city limits to clearly see their splendor. I could watch those stars for hours, finding constellations, making my own, lost in the expanse of sky.

But the interesting thing I realized is that they continually look down on us; during day, when the sun reigns, as well as night, when the lights of the city overpower them. However, we allow artificial light to shine "brighter". When these lights, whether they be lights from buildings, the streets, our phones, or flashlights are put to rest, the stars become visible. Their beauty becomes apparent and undeniable; a million times more than was thought possible.

Life is a lot like star gazing. To see, TRULY see, you must turn off all other distractions. Tuning out the noise, ignoring the things that sidetrack us, we can see.

The eternity of a star blows my mind. The batteries in a flashlight will deplete. Our phones run out of battery. Buildings run low on power. Yet, at the end of the day, a star is still there. And, even when the star is done and at the end of its life, its death creates a new one! Its entire life is lived according to a purpose, even in death. Its legacy of light continues in the fresh star.

Not only is life like star gazing, but we are called to be star-like. I pray that God molds me into a star He can be proud of.

When we decide to push past fears, anxieties, insecurities, and failure (the distractions), we shine as bright as those stars. The reason we do is because it no longer is our faint selves, it is God shining THROUGH us.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

When we let go of worries and let God take control, our light becomes apparent. We are called to be the light of the world (Matthew 5:14). In this way, not only can we shine, but others can shine with us. The light is contagious, as long as we spread it.

How do we spread that light? Here are a few ways.

1. Pray, pray, pray!
Prayer has a tendency to be underestimated in not only our daily lives, but in the church (another post for another time). There is so much power in prayer. It is a conversation with our Creator and Father, who listens to us constantly. It is a truly beautiful gift. Prayer allows us to align our hearts and desires with those of God, and can help us shine as a light for Him.

2. Hang out.
I have never accomplished something of importance in my life without accountability. Talking to someone about your distractions can help you handle them. I've found at times that my friends and family have said the one thing I realized later God wanted me to hear. Fellowship, relationships, family, friends, these are all invaluable.

3. Read the love letter.
The Bible is God's love letter to us. He wrote it for us, and it is full of His passion for creation. In Sunday school, we were taught to "read your Bible and pray every day, and you'll grow, grow, grow." As elementary as that sounds, it rings with truth. The Bible is not only a love letter, it is an instruction booklet to us of how to live. Shining bright is directly in accordance to living by the Truth.

Living as the "light of the earth" is inspiring. Remember, dare to inspire others, shine bright, and find a way to have them shine just as brightly with you.

"You will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life." (Philippians 2:15-16)

DTI

Where Them God Fans At?

For anyone who knows me, you know that I am a Swiftie. I am absolutely obsessed with Taylor Swift. I have every song, posters in my dorm room, went to her concert in Chicago for my senior trip with my best friend, and if you see me driving around town, there is a 99.9% chance Taylor Swift is being played in my car.

I also follow her on every social media I have, and she posted her first clue for her fifth album today. I even wore red and listened to the entire Red album again to commemorate the end of an era. (All you Swifties out there: you know what I'm talking about.) You know I will be first in line at midnight of it's release date. Oh, and it will for sure be pre-ordered on iTunes.

When people ask who my favorite artist is, or what I listen to, and I say Taylor Swift, I usually get 1 of 2 reactions. Either people are like, a)"Oh my gosh I LOVE her!" or b) "Wow, I can't believe how musically uneducated you are. I don't like her at all." There's almost never a middle ground.

So I've been made fun of and viewed differently by some people for being a Swiftie. But an unashamed Swiftie I remain.

Here's my point: our culture demands that we attach ourselves to popular trends. These can include music, movies, or people. People are obsessed with finding the next big thing, talking about their favorite aspect of pop culture, following reality shows, etc. And when we are a fan of something, we are die-hard loyalists.

But what do you say when people ask what you believe in? And no, I'm not talking about political stances, morality, or anything of the like. What do you say when people ask what your religion is? If you are a Christian, do you let them know you have a personal relationship with a God who loves us and has a designed each of us for a specific purpose, or do you shuffle your feet and mumble some jargon about kind of believing in some ultimate power, but not really? Are you worried they will ridicule you for liking something different than them?

When did it become ok to believe more in a human person than our God? And when did it become acceptable to follow broken people who exploit the industry for millions, yet we can't even follow the one who died for us that we might have eternal life? (John 3:16)

I'm not saying it's wrong to be a fan. We all need people to look up to. Some of mine are Taylor Swift, Russell Wilson, Tim Tebow, Jennie Finch, Lauren Chamberlain, and Richard Sherman, to name a few. (I love sports. Could you tell?)

But it is wrong when these people become idols. Not only people, but things can become idols as well. Some I have struggled with are softball and success in school.

Keeping these things and people from dethroning God in our lives can be hard. But God calls us to put him above all earthly things. In the words of Paul, "Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry." (1 Corinthians 10:14)

There are two points I'm trying to make out of this blog post. Idols are anything that get between God and us, and become more important than Him. Part of being a Christian is doing our best to keep God above these potential idols. And two, if we are truly Christians, then we are God's fans. Why don't we cheer for him as much as we do our icons?

I am a die-hard Seattle Seahawks fan. I have been from day one, and have ridden the roller coaster with them. I went through the Hasselbach/Alexander era, the 2005 disappointment, and the slump after. I watched year after year in wait, and can not even express in words how good it felt to see a team I followed and poured an emotional investment (and often times my lost voice) into for years win the Super Bowl!

Do we invest that much of our lives into our Christianity?

God calls us to even more than that. It is not just for a season. Our walk with Him is meant to enrapture us with every breath, and every second of the day. He wants to walk every step with us, through all the good and bad times.

We are God's sports team. He cheers us on, invests in us emotionally, and watches over us. He wants us to succeed, and watches us fail time and time again. But, those moments we are victorious, he is right there to tell us he knew we could do it the whole time. He never loses faith in us. "The Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:6)

We have the King of the universe as our biggest fan.

The least we could do is proclaim to the world that we are His fans as well.


DTI

A Poem

"The Passion of God"

Speak. I shall listen

To each unending word from your lips.

Smile. I shall see

The love of an entire people beneath the surface.

Cry. I shall weep

Alongside your suffering, for I know the cost.

Love. I shall love

Every part of you that I created by my own hands.

Cower. I shall fill

Your soul with every bit of strength to survive.

Bend. I shall fortify

So that you shall never break beneath the burden.

Stop. If it is my will you shall go,

But stop and listen for a moment.

Breathe. And never stop

It is my precious gift of life to you.

Know. Think. Focus.

Be that which I made you to be.

-Nikki Olsen

DTI

Patience is a Virtue

"He has made everything beautiful in its time." Ecclesiastes 3:11

There are multiple definitions for patience, but my favorite is this:

Patience (n.) - quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience. (Dictionary.com)

I find this so beautiful. I've heard plenty of sermons on steadfastness and perseverance, but rarely do speakers relate these traits to patience. My mind wanders to the way water cuts in to a rock formation over the years. Yes, it takes steadfastness and perseverance, but I've realized that it also takes an incredible amount of patience. This quiet and steady patience creates something beautiful. Just Google search images of "water cutting in to rock formations" or something like that to see what I am talking about. It is absolutely breathtaking.

We have so much to learn from that strength. On that note, God has shown me a side of that patience that I have never seen before.

I once heard someone define patience as "being absolutely content in your atmosphere and circumstances, and not wishing you were somewhere else or someone else." So, I think patience is very alike to contentment by that definition.

Having this type of patience has not been easy. I find myself impatient to find out who God wants me to be. I want to sprint for the finish line, but if I start 3 miles out, I won't make it. I long for the day God whispers, "This is it. See that in the distance? It's the finish line. Give all you have, I will sustain you. Finish running the good race."

But I'm not there yet. And I urge you to not be so eager to make time pass quicker either. That time will pass anyway; and it's not about what is waiting on the finish line. The best part of all this is the steps it will take to get there. Every part, every struggle, every joy develops us into who we are meant to be.

So don't rush it. Be patient. Wait on God.

For we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. (Philippians 4:13)

One last thing about patience I want to share with you:
Be patient that God will lead you in the way you're meant to be.

I started college this past year, and found myself already stressing about which graduate school I will go to. I fight every day for perfect grades so I can attend whichever one I want.

But here's the thing. The idea that I think I have control over which one I go to is hilarious. That's not up to me. And God won't let something like a < 4.0 GPA keep him from putting you where you're meant to be. He won't close doors just because of a C or B grade.

Another example would be in finding a marriage partner. I know people at my school stress about getting that MRS. degree. I hear things that break my heart: "I'm not thin enough for him." "I'm not religious enough." "I'm not (insert your own misconceived shortcoming) enough."

This is the biggest lie. Be patient, and wait for that person that God created for you, and you ARE enough for. Anyway, this topic is another whole blog post in and of itself. But what I am trying to convey is that there is no list of qualifications and check lists that we have to fulfill to find a partner, or make it into the graduate school we want.

Remember, "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Don't ever forget, we are called. We have a purpose. And we have a God who loves us above all of it.

Be patient, and trust in that.

DTI

The Second Thing

Previously, I alluded to a second thing I believe strongly about God. It also has to do with walking by faith.

God doesn't open a door just to slam it in our face. He doesn't instill a passion in you just to have it come to nothing. Let me explain what I mean by these two statements.

It would be impossible to count how many times I have heard fellow Christians say, "I'm praying about the direction God wants me to go." "I just want God's will in this." "I'm waiting to hear what God says about this decision", and other statements of the like. I do it as well. Every big decision in life, I have prayed and asked for prayer from my friends and family. And you know what? God always delivers.

But, sometimes we don't understand. God isn't always clear cut. He says yes, no, and maybe. Sometimes, there are two paths that God equally desires for us, and allows us the beautiful factor of free will. However, in big decisions, I believe God wants us to seek his council.

Here's a personal example: choosing what college I went to. I didn't necessarily want to go to Whitworth University at first. I wanted to step out and create an independent path from my brother, who attended there. (side note: my brother and I are best friends. We just can be very different, and I wanted to create my own mark on a brand new path. But, God works everything for our good, and knows the outcome in ways I could never comprehend.)

So, I fought with God for a while on this. My entire junior year of high school, actually. I couldn't deny the draw I had there. Everything, and everyone, steered me in the direction of Whitworth. While talking to God, it kept coming up. Eventually, there was no denying it anymore; God had opened that door, and waited on the other side for me to walk into His greater plans.

What that plan is, exactly, I have no idea. But, I have never had more prompting from God on a decision than this one.

A year later, I love the school so much, words cannot express. It is exactly where God desires me to be. I feel it every day, and know we made the right choice, together. God is still unveiling his plan to me, and I have only an idea of what that is.

Here's the point I began to understand through this experience: God doesn't open a door and then shut the path off from us. Drawing off of that, when I am unsure where God wants me next, I look back to the last thing he called me to. This, I know, is Whitworth. So, I keep walking that path because I know he wouldn't slam that door in my face now. There may be more doors along the path, forks in the road for major decisions in life, but for now I will continue to walk this path; I will continue to walk by faith.

As for instilling a passion in us, I look to the words from Psalm 37:4. "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." When we desire to do God's will and follow the path he has set for us since the days in our mother's womb, I believe he can use any passion of ours to impact this world.

So, in conclusion, I have a prayer I pray every day. I used to pray, "Lord, write my love story." But, it has developed into so much more with every day I grow older. Now, I pray with all my heart for God to write my ENTIRE story.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope, and a future.'" -Jeremiah 29:11

His plans are so much better than any I can ever dream up for myself.

DTI

Walk by Faith

There are two things I have come to strongly believe in accordance to God. This post will be about one of these, and I will post about the second another time.

Years ago, I attended Bible camp, like most church kids do when growing up. It is a rite of passage, so to speak. Some were forced to go, and for others, like me, it was the highlight of the year. Back then, it was the best part of my year because it was a time to hang out with my friends nonstop for an entire week. That was the dream as an elementary kid.

Over time, the memories fade. I can still recall fondly some great moments with great people. But, what truly stuck with me was how I was able to encounter God every day. His presence was everywhere. It was in the forests we trekked through, the water we played in, the chapel services we attended every night, and the times we opened our hearts to one another at night, strengthening our bonds of friendship.

But, enough strolling down memory lane. A statement by one of the speakers stuck with me until this day. He said, "God does not call the qualified, he qualifies the called." I have pondered that statement often in the years that have followed. Here are some thoughts that have produced.

1. That little voice that says we're not good enough? God says differently.
We always make up excuses to not be the one to make a difference. Excuses reign rampant from "I'm too young" to "I'm under qualified" to "There has to be someone better than me for this." Well, just look at Moses. He was convinced that he wasn't the right man to lead God's chosen people out of Egypt, yet God used him anyway, no matter how much he fought. God called him to save His people, and then qualified him for the job by providing Aaron to speak and the power of God in his staff.

2. If not you, then who?
Think about it for a moment. If everyone says, "There has to be someone else," eventually we would run through everyone on the earth and nothing would be accomplished. Be brave enough to say, "I will."

3. It's anything but easy.
Choosing to obey God and step out in faith is the hardest thing a person can do. I struggle every day, and find excuses so I understand what you must be thinking. Walking by faith, in tune to the Lord, is difficult. I never contemplated the weight of "walking by faith" until the other day when I was hiking with my amazing friend and college roommate, who demonstrates what it means to dare to inspire. If more people "walked by faith" and thought practically about what a relationship with God means, we could change the world.

So that's just a couple of my thoughts. Disclaimer: we get people every day trying to get people to take action for God. We listen to motivational speakers, read amazing books about taking that action, and talk to our accountability partners about where we are in our walk with God. These are all beautiful things. God created us to be relational people, and uses other people to spur us on to greater things.

But, here's my challenge to you. Do one little thing every day to make the world a better place. What that little thing is, I'll leave up to you. But spread God's love, one day at a time.

Whatever you do, just go out there and dare to inspire.

DTI